How much does happiness cost? How much is too much to pay for peace of mind? Does it always pay to be "practical"? When is a decision the "right decision"? How much does one sacrifice short term for a better life long term? Transitions are tough. Change, even positive change, is difficult and stressful. The combination of change and uncertainty often seems unbearable.
This is what I know: The time for change has come. It's past time. I am certain of this, and that's absolutely all I know at the moment. One day last week I asked for my praying friends to pray and my positive thinking friends to do that as well. Since that time, and I'm really not kidding, some amazing things have happened. Good things have come in unexpected packages, but each gift comes with a particular set of challenges and "what ifs." It's all out of my hands now. What I've got to do is just wait, listen, wait, listen. I cannot order the universe or orchestrate the unknown. I am unsure, anxious, doubting, excited, terrified of the unknown.
I need patience. I need calm. I need to let things unfold as they will. I need the assurance that if and when the time for decisions comes, the decision that we make will be for the good.
Safety costs. The price of safety is often high. How does one choose between safety and happiness? One of my friends told me that tenure and a good salary are the "golden handcuffs." I get that. But golden or not, handcuffs are still handcuffs. They restrict my freedom. And this, more than any of my questions, answers all of my questions. I cannot put a price on freedom. I have compromised my freedom for safety. I have compromised my peace of mind for money and safety. Yes, I may be too old to move toward the light; too old to take certain kinds of risks; too old to begin again, but I believe that life offers all kinds of possibilities that we pass by because we want to be safe and certain. I wait and hope..........Faith: "the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen."
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"I need patience. I need calm. I need to let things unfold as they will. I need the assurance that if and when the time for decisions comes, the decision that we make will be for the good."
ReplyDeleteAnd this I know for sure...allowing things to unfold as they will often is cloaked in divine intervention. I pray that your decisions are sound, fruitful, and more important, that you are released from the anxiety that surfaced just anticipating the transition that is inevitable. Good luck, my friend! Andrea
Margaret, I am so thrilled to hear that the prayers and positive thoughts have borne fruit.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is probably the most difficult part--the uncertainty, the ambivalence and anxiety. It is very scary. But you are not too old. Never!!!
Follow your heart and your spirit, as you always do. They always lead you to the right place and the right decisions.
That said, on a selfish note, I really do hope that you stick around! =D